the end of week five

The weather here has turned fully fall-ish and the golden hues remind me of home.  Yesterday was a chicken soup kind of day as the clouds overhead never fully released their contents, but instead misted down upon us hour by hour, with gusts of wind that reminded me of the Oregon coast.  Our bodies enjoyed the excuse to stay indoors and read books.  But even with tired and achy bodies, we are seeing glimpses of healing.

Our doctor does not expect to see changes in our symptoms for the first six weeks because it is the die-off period, the time in treatment when spirochete and bacterial elimination is occurring as Lyme loses the upper hand, and the bodies immune system grows stronger and stronger.  Already I have seen changes in Wyatt's face especially, as his eyes look less gaunt and the paleness of his face begins to fade.  Today, I was mentioning this to our doctor, and she asked Wyatt if he was feeling better.  He gave a tentative yes.  As she dug deeper and asked if he had more energy, his answer squeezed my heart.

He said, "I have bursts of energy.  More of them.  Like, before I would get a burst, but if I spent it, I would be sick all that day or the week.  Now I can spend my energy and I will be tired, but then I will get another burst.  I won't be sick."  

My heart literally hurt and I could not stop the tears at hearing this from his mouth, him so simply framing the reality of his life for the past few years...things I have tried to put into words.  He has fought hard against even admitting to himself that he gets sick after spending his energy, stubbornly trying to prove himself well and push past all the pain and exhaustion...and here he is, able to fully acknowledge the limitations his body has had because now he can see the difference; like pops of sunshine through the clouds after a long stormy season, forgetting what the sun looked like.  Hearing him talk about energy as a commodity the way we adults understand time and money as a commodity made my heart cry.  These are things a child should not need to know about. But he does.  He has had to manage his energy like precious drops out of a mostly empty bottle.

This is a window into the world of so many parents who watch their child struggle with chronic illness.  The inner wave of panic never really leaves as you struggle through doctors appointments and hold back false hope that rises every time you think you may have the answer.  Antibiotics, herbals, tinctures, neurology appointments and doctor after doctor, all the while mourning an immune system that seems to be losing the fight as said child is in the pediatric office week after week from one virus or another, bacterial infections, lab work-ups and random issues.  It is my greatest hope and prayer that we go home to a new reality and a fresh start.

Eli and Ben are both very tired but have bursts of energy as well.  Symptoms still make us sick but there are wonderful glimmers of hope!  Most days are full days which is good.  We go to treatment for three plus hours four days a week, fill prescriptions, grocery shop (another post for another day...), cook three meals a day from home (holler out to all my home-school friends who cook ALL DAY LONG!) and always swallow so.much.medicine.  Mostly it is natural medicine that works in conjunction with our doctors protocol to heal the gut, get rid of bacteria and establish balance in our body.

Today was a great day, and after treatment we all felt well enough to take the long way home, through a local park.  The sun was out and it was such a joy to buy the boys dairy-free sorbet as a splurge because it's Friday and we get to let our veins heal for two days.  (Ben informed me that he loves Fridays.)  After running about (like teenagers do at an empty child's park) we are now back at home resting.  Our bodies are tired again, but we know something is healing inside of us- I can truly see it!

This coming Monday is the start of week six and I can see the sun on the horizon, no matter what the weather is overhead.  God is so present and He is so good.  Our hearts could not be more grateful or humbled at where He has us right now.  We miss our family and loved ones but we are forging ahead!

Eli snapped this picture as unbidden tears fell from my eyes,
 opening a precious box from home.

#Brothers #InItTogether #TheyAreMoreBondedThanTheyKnow

Beautiful Schwabisch Hall